Ok folks time for a little virtual therapy....so most of you know I am BATTLING to lose weight and become healthy etc. I am also getting surgery in January to remove skin that is not "bouncing " back. Having said that, the more I lose before the surgery the better. So to hit the maximum and of course try and hit my 100lb goal I am now working out x2 a day most days ( I can't run anymore because of my knees) and eating as clean as I can. So to help things along I joined a group of amazing wonderful and super fun ladies in a biggest loser challenge.
SO this is a class given with support of a trainer , eating guide etc. My hope initially was to have a cheerleader a little a la Bob Harper, Chris Powel style. The reason I wanted this is because I am in the last hump here and I need to pull up my big girl pants and push hard and dig deep to make it happen. So a little extra push and support was what I was looking for. So last week was class number one ( here comes the therapy part) The trainer is a very professional woman who clearly knows what she is doing and her workout was AMAZING in that I never sweat so much in my whole life!!! Having said that, I have never been made to feel so small in my whole life. Her approach is not the type of one that I am able to function in. It is my personal belief that a successful trainer is able to make a connection with their clients ( this goes for any field BTW) they take the time to hone in on their needs, personalities etc and finds the style that will maximise their output. I want to walk away from my workout feeling burnt, but also proud of myself for what I have accomplished, not worse that when I started. This trainer is a bit of a Jillian Michaels without the ability to smile or connect, at one point she even said something like" ....think about this exercise the next time you shove down a big mac" ya um hey lady... I haven't had a big mac in like three years... ( did I mention that I am insecure and need constant validation in this area?) So my problem is that I (me not anyone else) has a problem because I was looking for a person who would help me to dig deep, be a cheerleader and push me in a way that will make me work like a dog but still feel good, not bring me back to when I started out at almost 300lbs ( 272 actually).
I have learned a lot about myself during this whole thing, and I am only recently coming out of my shell and trying new things, trying to act like a lady and dress like one. I am finding myself and I don't need to be belittled or have what I have done to get to this point shot down by someone who doesn't even know me. before I go on though, let me say that had I been starting out , her style may be just what I would have needed, a big kick in the ass. But I think it is because I have gotten myself this far that I feel we don't blend. ( again let me say her work out is AMAZING and she is very knowledgeable) I digress...ok so I told Nancy ( best ever instructor on the face of the earth people) That I was going to drop out and try something else. This decision was made for many reasons but primarily because I don't want to feel like crap about myself each time, but some support from my Amazing friends Tina, Gina and Julie and beautiful words from Nancy( did I mention she is incredible...just saying) I have decided to keep going and do the process with them after all. I am not going to lie I feel scared and nervous, I really want to hit my goal with a smile and a friend not a bully. So here is hoping that I am being a ridiculous over sensitive baby and that I will end up being very wrong about this trainer.
I would also like to put it pout there that without my friends to support me ( especially all my wonderful goddesses at Studio Benefit) I wouldn't be able to keep doing this, I am fed up of living my life at the gym and eating like an effing bird. I seriously can't wait to be in the maintenance phase. Thank you all for enduring my "therapy" and for walking this journey with me!!!
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