Well folks it has been quite awhile since I last wrote, life has been somewhat rock and roll these last few months. However I am slowly getting together and today something remarkable happened to me and it cannot go unshared. So in the next few days I will catch you all up on all things Mancini but first...today.
So the dragon has been going through so much lately, all kinds of tests and Dr. appointments ( the cause will be the subject of another post) and she can have some pretty intense behaviour both good and bad. So this afternoon after once again not napping we were playing in the base ment and she ask me to watch TV. I said no because I was saving her TV time for when the rain came (the sky was black) this set her off into the toddler tantrum of the century.
At first I just figured it would be the 2 minute "I didn't get what i want" standard. But it went on longer than normal, she was looking at me while screaming at a piercing level. When i say screaming, I mean screaming to the point it actually hurt my ears. Jokes aside...it was intense. the whole episode took approximately 25 minutes. I was exhausted at the end, but it wasn't just a tantrum. It was more than that , she lost control of herself and I could see in her eyes that it was more than she could handle, almost like her body took over control of her mind and she couldn't stop screaming. All the while this was going on I didn't lose it, I held her, calmed her, read to her, sang to her, until she was so tired she just sat in my lap hugging me and we rocked. I was feeling really happy that I was able to hold it together and see past the behavior. I've lost my patience before,,,oh yeah, I've had my moments. So all in all feeling ok.
Then it was over.
She went on her merry way and continued paying like nothing happened. about half an hour later She asked to go for a walk , super fun right. So we are all in the portique putting on our shoes to go and she takes my hand and says
"thank you for playing with me"
So i say
"It was fun I love playing"
Then She says "no mamma, ( takes my other hand so i look at her ) Thank you for playing with me"
I look at her, and i mean really look at her and I understand what she is trying to say to me. In her own way, she understood what happened in the basement. Whatsmore is that she understood that I didn't leave her, that I didn't get mad and that I loved her. In her little face I could see a profound understanding of the whole ordeal. It took my breath away.
I crouched down to make sure she understood me, and what I said had so many layers of meaning and I think she understood most of those layers, I said
"I will always play with you"
Great day.
