What an emotional day today was, we went through about a month or so of tests ( not all at the same time) to try and diagnose our beautiful Layla Rose and why she is not developing "normally". As a parent it is extremely draining, emotional, scary to think that your child will not have the same experiences as others, that she will have to go to a special school, or who will take care of her if something happens to me? Its nuts, nothing i write here will truly transmit those concerns or questions, and as many of you are parents you are each facing your own worries and concerns for your own children. That's what being a parent is and each of us are walking a journey that we never thought could be filled with such love and worry all at the same time. So as this all come to a head today was our "D" day. The results were in...we were going to label our child. It kind of felt like we were going to a fortune teller and she was going to layout Layla Rose's future for us.
Obviously that's not the case as anything can happen, but we were dreading the word AUTISM. Now i know many of you say well its not that bad, or there are worse things. Even worse is that I am trained to work with special needs kids and here I was fearing the diagnosis. Not because these beautiful children are pariahs, but because its not what i want for my own child. I want her to be happy and fit in , have friends and have a relatively "normal" future. I am almost ashamed to say these things, but who wouldn't want their child to be as "normal" as possible?
So there we are sitting in front of her and the first thing out of her mouth is that the dragon is NOT autistic...exhale. So, YAY! huge relief to us, then come the actual diagnosis which is a global developmental delay including speech and a sensitivity to over stimulation. I'll explain. GDD is a fancy way of saying that your child is not developing typically in multiple areas for a variety of reasons. For Layla Rose that includes some fine motor skills, social skill and basic life skills. Her language is obviously quite delayed but is coming along. So why is this good news? because it is not a life sentence, not for her anyway. Layla Rose has shown through the testing as well as her development that she CAN learn and is interested in learning. She is curious and inquisitive meaning that she will over time and with an enormous amount of time spent in stimulating her be able to develop into what I have no doubt will be a dynamic spitfire of a person. As parents and people who love her, we need to build her confidence, encourage her to socialize ( play date anyone?) and keep loving her no matter what! ( DUH how could you not!) Her early diagnosis makes intervention even more effective since they are at the age of absorbing everything. So for now She is getting all kinds of help in speech and behaviour. We are at the Mackay center starting in January, she has a wonderful therapist in her daycare and simply THE BEST day care educator int he whole world. seriously this woman is a SAINT. As for her over stimulation, well for those of you who know her, this is nothing new. She can't be thrust into new situations with loud noises and lots of people. We simply have to work on coping skills and slowly expose her to a world of new things.
We have a lot of work to do with her, but we feel blessed to have her in our life, as she teaches us to have patience and compassion and what it really means to connect with another person. She makes us better people and int he end better parents to her and Anthony. Ah our little dragon, who knew we could love something as much as we love her and Anthony. I just don't know what or who I would be if I didn't have my kids. Thank you universe for giving me these gifts and thank all of you who are walking this journey with us!
