It Takes a village and I love it!

This weekend was so crazy, hockey practices, cooking, baking, family, swimming AHHHHH!!! I know you guys get it!! So tonight as I sat down to some peace and quiet ( kids asleep, hubby at hockey) I took a deep breath and it really hit me , it hit me how much I have to be grateful for , but also for the place I am at right now.

Parenthood is just a daily guessing game (right?) a lot of uncertainty, the best of intentions, high highs and incredible lows. I have been fortunate enough to have been able to go through this emotional journey with some equally kick butt parents. My circle of friends has all had children at the same (ish) time and it makes it fun because we can laugh, cry and support each other through this wild ride.  I don’t think I could do this parenting thing without all these amazing moms and dads in our life. It really and truly (for me anyway) makes it less lonely, scary and I feel a lot of solidarity! I think I can not stress enough the importance of the village. I know, I know its cliché but there is a reason why it has stuck around, because it’s true.

This village is not just for the hard times, but almost more importantly for the good times. 4 years ago, one of my oldest friends, Natalie and I started a cookie tradition. We get our four kids together and let the flour, sprinkles and frosting chaos ensue (oh it has been a frosting disaster LOL) We have done this each Christmas since, and our group has expanded to include more of our friends. It is louder and messier and every BETTER than it has ever been. These memories will be with us as our kids get older, and it is bittersweet! As our 7 kids played and entertained them selves us ladies sat there and actually proclaimed:


“We’ve MADE IT!”

But I was sad a bit, it was going too fast! I wanted to hold on to my little babies just a little bit more, but we can’t do that. Time marches on and they grow, so I am holding onto these precious moments. I hope these kids stay together and do this for as long as possible!


Parents, parents to be and whoever else, get a village!! Today leaving the arena we met another long-time friend and his kiddo ready to get on the ice. Right away I thought oh baby new tradition, lets get an outdoor game going! These things might seem trivial and hard to fit in our busy schedules, but these moments will not last. Truth is that parenting is hard. So many unknowns, so many questions. But when you have a village who will hold you up, march through this crazy journey, dance with you, laugh with you, cry with you and do a war cry with you, then NOTHING is as scary as it might’ve been.

I hope my village ( so many of you not pictured here) doesn’t change, I hope that I am lucky enough to keep laughing with you all and I hope that you find your village ( if you don’t already have it) Doesn’t need to be  more than one person (quality not quantity).  

                                                        To each of you I am grateful.

Resilience!

So lets talk resilience here peeps, I can’t help but feel that there is no more resilient group of people than parents…in particular Momma’s ( this is not a sexist comment but more a rallying cry for my fellow mommas) It has been quite the year this 2019, oh boy. So much has happened and though I post quite a bit on social media, it is important to understand that any social media platform is not a complete story of a person. It is just a snapshot of images and posts that are CHOSEN, not a full reflection. I have a blessed life, but I have had a difficult time during this year for a multitude of reasons. This experience has led me to meet some absolutely incredible people that have made me see things in a whole new way.

In 2019 I have had some pretty serious health conditions be diagnosed, I have hinted but never fully shared, so here it is in may I was diagnosed with insulin resistance/hypoglycemia and anemia and then in august with stage 3 adrenal failure/ anxiety and depression.  I can say these things openly now because in meeting incredible people who have taught me about resilience I have come through to the other side.  None of these conditions are something that goes away, but I have learned to manage it and feel strong again.  I have learned in meeting others in support groups, and meetings etc that many mothers go through this. Special needs mom’s in particular suffer from stress that is equivalent to soldiers in war. I can say that this is a fact, I never knew the depth of strength I would have to find, use and rely on.  I never knew that I didn’t need to do this alone, that there were other parents out there going through the same thing, that we could lean on each other and come out of this stronger than before.

It has been a huge blow to me to not be able to do physical exercise, it was always a crutch for me and a coping mechanism. But with these conditions I was ordered on complete rest. If you know me at all you know that rest is not my forte. However, it has been my greatest teacher. These months of doing nothing, have taught me about resilience of the body and mind. That asking for help and mental health support is not a weakness but a strength. I am a work in progress and will continue to struggle for sure, but I am lucky to be surrounded by amazing people and professionals who have helped me these last few months. As I enter the next phase of this condition (healing is underway) I have been given permission to begin small amounts of exercise and workouts and I can’t wait for body, mind and soul to be aligned for the adventure.


Having said all this, if you are reading this and feel alone, you are not. If you need support, help is on the way. There is a lot on the plates of Mothers these days ( dad’s are awesome , Eric is the cream of the crop) but it is still not always even and we need to learn to take time for ourselves, recharge our batteries and understand that resilience doesn’t mean perfection.  We are perfect in our imperfection, in our intentions, in our energy and efforts to do our best for our families. We are enough as we are and when we are down, we will get back up because we are RESILIENT!

Rebirth of my blog: my opinion LIVES ! (muahahahahaha)

Well watch out world! The unicorn dragon momma is back baby! It has been over 2 years since my last post and I have lived a lot, learned a lot, been humbled and am now exploring all kinds of new adventures. The flavour of this blog going forward will be an explosion of topics, questions and maybe a little venting if I need it.

I am a Mother to 2 very special kiddos that are the center of my universe, wife to an amazing partner, fur momma to our newest addition Winnie and lover of life...and  so lets dive into my first post.

THE HIDDEN DIAGNOSIS

We just got back from an incredible family trip to Disney World and it was amazing!  We love Disney so, so, so much for all the obvious reasons, but also for not so obvious reasons. You see, our gift of a seven year old has an alphabet soup of diagnoses and allergies and is extremely limited to where she can travel. Disney offers the most incredible experience for her. There she has the opportunity to be just like other kids. their chefs are trained to accommodate her multiple allergies (dairy, soy and gluten), they have staff who are trained in ASD and know exactly what to do and how to interact with her and no one there looks at her as anything other than a princess.

 But here is the thing, to the average person she looks "normal" whatever that means. She has no physical attributes that would suggest a disability. You might think that is advantageous, keeping it hidden kind of thing. Truth is I am on the fence about it. Some days I wish she looked a certain way so that I didn't have to explain her or her behavior. Its exhausting to always have to justify, prepare people, adapt, apologise and and and...exhausting. If she has the physical features of certain disabilities, then the narrative would be understood ( or would it) In our case, I also find myself often defending myself and my parenting. Because she "looks" normal we have been on the receiving end of some commenting gems ( how I am not in jail to be honest is a miracle) To the individual who doesn't know she lives with ASD and all that comes with it she can look like a spoiled brat. When she is screaming out of control because she is overstimulated, or hiding because she has anxiety, or almost in a trance from fatigue, to that individual it will look like a tantrum and a parent who indulges. Truth is, when the disability in internal and not physical it opens doors to comments, judgments and LOTS of advice.  My all time favorite is anything that begins with " Have you tried..."  or "maybe if you would just..." Oh baby we love that ( NOT!)

During our vacation, our stroller held the tag identifying her as disabled so she could enter through special doors, we often skipped lines etc. During this incredible program, that allows individuals to have this magical experience I had a few heart dropping moments when I heard comments like  " she doesn't even look handicapped" ( I hate that word BTW)  or "its not fair, she should have to wait like the rest of us" "This is bullshit, look she is normal" and a few others.  Boy do I wish it was bullshit, boy do I wish I was just doing it so I didn't have to wait in line. ASD and many other disabilities and mental health are all unseen and can be as debilitating as a missing leg or spina bifida. I would challenge you to look at every person, every parent, every  friend and coworker as if you understood that you don't understand everything, that maybe you are missing significant information to understand them and their behaviour. Maybe there is something more going on, be kind, be generous, be positive and supportive. There are many hidden diagnoses that affect individuals and families in ways you can never imagine.

Trust me. I know.