Again I write as a form a free therapy...I am still on my journey to lose weight...life long journey after all and again I am faced with the crazy psychological side of this exhausting battle.
I have been trying and mostly failing at changing how I see and feel about myself, each time I seem to make headway something happens and I take three steps back. So I have been trying to challenge myself in a way to prove to myself what I can do. To prove to myself how strong I can be... so I did 2 really "scary things".
1. At the gym I dared venture into the weight section. I have often used the small free weights or the machines, but never the bars. So I got my big girl pants on and I went int o the scary area and I did ten bench presses with the bars. I was ridiculously nervous and afraid people were laughing at me and how I had trouble getting the bars back in the holders. But I did it...next time I may not panic and actually do the three sets I was supposed to do.
2. I cut my hair!!! I have never let anyone touch my hair to cut it ( unless it was the smallest trim) But I finally said I need to do this. My hair doesn't make me a girl or feminine, I can do this! Why is it so hard? For me my hair is what made me more girlie and feminine. For the most part if you asked 100 people to say one word about me, feminine would not be there. So I felt like if I had long hair it would make me more like a girl. So I challenged that thought process and let Marie Eve Cut it off, and by cut it off I mean a few inches ( 4) that's a lot for me.
Well 2 things down...hopefully I will take away from this that I CAN do this. But I must say it is really hard. I seriously doubt I would be able to do this without my amazing supportive friends at the studio, Gina, Tina, Ariane and Nancy you are my cheerleaders!! THANK YOU!!
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