I am not even really sure where to start this post, its been so long since I've written but a lot has been going. Though my, our life is so full of amazing things, people and experiences it has been a tough six months for my little family. Its been hard because we've been dealing with a situation at home that we've been largely silent about. To be honest, we've been partly silent because we wanted to wait until we had all the answers and partly because we didn't really know how to start the conversation.
So last August i began having some pretty sever symptoms of something being wrong, fatigue, headaches, nausea dizziness among other things. Anyways that's not important. So off to the doctor i went, and to many doctors since then. All this time...these passed six months we have been working to figure out what was wrong with me. One of the tests was a brain MRI at the end of last year and close to 10 000$ of blood tests( we ended up going public but were quoted that privately) during these tests several anomalies were found. Before we continue lets be clear I'm ok, nothing life threatening. but it has taken some time to get here, to know this. I've shared my journey superficially with a few of my closest friends but not many. The long and the short of it is medically we are working on things and figuring out everything that needs to be tweaked in terms of my condition an progress is being made. but that's not the point of this post.
For the last six months I've carried what is essentially a secret and it has weighed on me. there were a few weeks when we had no answers and some of the tests were to eliminate some more scary things. during that time you would be amazed at what you think of and what seems important. However now we know that i am ok and we are treating everything it is like an incredible weight has been lifted, one i didn't even know i was carrying until it was gone. At the same time I am exhausted, all this time worrying and thinking, you just don't ever have a moment of peace, because when all is quiet, your brain is not.
Why speak of it at all, you might be asking. Well its hard to say. I feel like since its mostly over now, i can breath and let it out. I have always been the type to wear it on my sleeve and I feel like i've been a little more impatient these past few months ( not that i have much to start with). Hopefully the next six months will bring a lot more relief as the treatments kick in. This forum is like a therapy session for me. I can get it out without having to answer a ton of questions. I find it an awkward topic anyways and don't necessarily want to talk about it now that its mostly over.
Needles to say i am grateful for those who have helped me make it through the last while whether they knew it or not. I wont lie, I'm quite tired mentally but doing better and am back at the gym , playing hockey and slowly getting it together LOL We've got weddings, babies and vacations in the next year and lots of exciting things I can now look forward to without a cloud.
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